How Managers Can Regain Clarity, Steadiness, and Control

As leaders, we’re accustomed to dealing with external pressures. The challenge is when our inner world becomes just as chaotic. When you’re overwhelmed, scattered, or stretched too thin, even small decisions can feel monumental. And leading others from that place? Nearly impossible.

In a recent conversation with executive coach and author Rob Kalwarowsky, we explored what it really takes for managers to lead effectively in today’s climate of uncertainty. His insights offer a powerful reminder: the path to steady, grounded leadership starts not with better tools or tactics, but with managing our internal chaos first.

This article unpacks the core ideas from that conversation, why internal chaos happens, how it shows up in your leadership, and the practical steps managers can take to shift into clarity and confidence.

When Internal Chaos Takes Over

Managers often work hard to create stability for their teams, but true stability begins with you. As Rob explains, uncertainty triggers the brain’s fear response. Our amygdala, the part responsible for fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, takes over, and our executive functioning shuts down. That’s why difficult moments often lead to:

• Reactivity instead of intentional decisions

• Micromanagement or avoidance

• Overcommitting or people-pleasing

• Imposter syndrome and self-doubt

• Emotional outbursts or shutting down

  
  

These responses aren’t signs of weakness; they’re normal human reactions. But when they become default patterns, they limit your effectiveness and overwhelm your team.

Drawing from Internal Family Systems, Rob describes these patterns as stemming from our different “parts,” protective structures formed early in your life to help you navigate challenges. These parts aren’t bad; they’re simply outdated. What helped you succeed growing up or early in your career may now be blocking your ability to lead with clarity.

Recognizing and understanding these parts is foundational to reducing internal chaos and elevating your leadership.

Doing Everything Yourself Becomes the Problem

One of the most common examples Rob sees is the DIY leader—someone who tries to carry the entire weight of the team or organization on their own shoulders.

This often looks like:

• Jumping in to solve problems instead of delegating

• Being the “expert” on everything

• Micromanaging customer issues

• Working long hours without truly making progress

• Feeling responsible for every detail and outcome

  
  

This mindset is common among founders and high performers. It starts as a survival strategy when the team is small and resources are limited. But as the organization grows, it becomes unsustainable and ultimately harmful.

Rob shares the story of a CEO running a 50-person company who was stuck in this DIY mode. He was exhausted, overwhelmed, and unable to scale. Once he began addressing the internal fear driving his need to control everything, he finally stepped back, empowered his team, and rebuilt his leadership approach. The results? His company grew from $3 million to $11 million, his team stepped up, and his work–life balance improved dramatically.

The lesson: If you’re doing everything yourself, you’re limiting your own growth—and your team’s.

Mindset Shift: “I’m Human”

One of the simplest yet most powerful tools Rob teaches leaders is a grounding phrase: “I’m human.” When you feel that spike of stress, fear, or overwhelm, before you react, before you decide, before you send the email, pause and say, “I’m human.”

This moment of acknowledgement does three things:

1. Interrupts the fear response just enough to re-engage your executive brain.

2. Creates space for choice so you can respond intentionally instead of reacting.

3. Reduces self-judgment, which is often the fuel keeping internal chaos burning.

   
   

This tiny practice can completely change the tone of your leadership, your presence, your clarity, and the way you relate to your team.

Understand (and Control) Your Internal Parts

Internal chaos isn’t quieted through willpower. It’s addressed by understanding and leading your inner “parts,” just like you would your team.

These parts often develop from childhood moments, sometimes even innocuous ones. A child noticing a sibling being praised for good grades may internalize: I need to achieve to be loved. A manager today may continue overachieving long after it’s needed, not realizing the part driving that behavior is decades old.

Some common behaviors driven by parts that show up in leaders include:

• The Overachiever – driven by fear of inadequacy

• The People Pleaser – afraid of conflict or disappointing others

• The Imposter – convinced everyone else is more qualified

• The Micromanager – trying to control outcomes to avoid failure

• The Ghost Manager – avoiding decisions due to fear of being blamed

• The DIY Leader – believing they must carry the load alone

  
  

The key is not to judge these parts but to understand them. They were formed to protect you. They simply need to be updated to align with who you are today.

This is where Rob emphasizes Internal Family Systems (IFS) principles—listening with compassion, building trust, and letting your true self lead.

People-Pleasing is Another Common Saboteur

People-pleasing is another widespread internal pattern that drains managers. It often comes from a desire to be liked, avoid conflict, or feel valuable. The short-term reward of being helpful masks the long-term costs:

• Overcommitting

• Burnout

• Delayed progress on strategic priorities

• Resentment or frustration

• Lack of advancement due to invisibility

  
  

Rob’s simple advice: When someone asks for something, pause; don’t say yes immediately. Take a breath, remember I’m human, and evaluate the request against your goals and capacity. If needed, stall gracefully: “Let me look at my workload and get back to you shortly”. It’s a small shift that dramatically improves focus and boundaries.

Leading Through Uncertainty Requires Inner Stability

In a world where chaos and uncertainty continue to rise, the most powerful leadership strategy isn’t found in books, frameworks, or dashboards. It starts with you; your presence, your calm, your ability to notice your internal patterns and choose differently.

Managers who learn to lead from clarity rather than fear unlock higher performance not only in themselves but also across their teams.

Rob’s message is simple but transformative: “When you shift your internal world, your external results follow.”

By recognizing your human limitations, understanding your protective parts, and creating moments of pause in the midst of chaos, you can lead with steadiness, even when the world feels anything but steady.

Listen to the entire episode HERE to learn more about how to calm the chaos inside.

Keep up with Rob Kalwarowsky

- Follow Rob on LinkedIn here

- Subscribe to his YouTube channel here

- Check out his book Capitalizing on Your Strengths here

Guest Bonus: 10 Book Giveaway and Free Find Your Reason Worksheet

The Find Your Reason worksheet is designed to clarify your goals and to support you in overcoming any subconscious resistance to taking action.

Studies show that writing down your goals increases your probability of achieving them to 42% and sharing them with me increases it even further to 70%.  Who wouldn’t spend a few minutes to dramatically improve their chances of success?

Capitalizing On Chaos: The Executive’s Guide to Succeed in Disruption

We all have the capacity to demonstrate ineffective and even harmful behaviors, creating our own version of chaos. But we also have the capacity to change. To find our true selves inside of the uncertainty. And to move forward by moving beyond our circumstances to proven leadership strategies for organizational growth. Capitalizing on Chaos is the handbook on bringing order and clarity to the future of work.

To get this bonus and many other member benefits, become a member of The Modern Manager Podcast+ Community.

---------------------

The Modern Manager is a leadership podcast for rockstar managers who want to create a working environment where people thrive and great work gets done.

Follow The Modern Manager on your favorite podcast platform so you won’t miss an episode!