Why Self-Awareness Makes Managers More Effective

Self-awareness is often praised as a core leadership trait, yet very few people have true self-awareness. Most managers assume they’re self-aware because they understand their strengths or know their preferences. But real self-awareness goes much deeper. It’s the ongoing understanding of how you show up, why you show up that way, and how others experience you in ways you may not immediately see.

For managers, this gap can have a real impact. You might believe you’re being clear while your team feels confused, or you may think you’re approachable when people experience you as rushed or distant. Without ongoing self-awareness, your good intentions don’t always match your impact.

Dr. Helen Fagan, leadership development expert and author of Lead Like People Matter, explained how to develop meaningful self-awareness and why it’s essential for effective leadership.

How Past Experiences Shape Present Leadership

Helen noted that much of how you lead is shaped long before you step into a management role. Family norms, schooling, early work environments, mentors, industry culture, and even community expectations all form unconscious rules about how people “should” communicate and behave. These invisible norms travel with you into every meeting and conversation.

For example, some people see direct eye contact as a sign of respect, while others were raised to view it as overly assertive. Some cultures value quick decisions, while others prefer patience and collaboration. None of these approaches is right or wrong; they’re simply learned.

When managers recognize that not everyone shares their assumptions, they become more empathetic, more curious, and far less likely to misinterpret their team. Self-awareness turns cultural differences into opportunities for stronger relationships rather than sources of conflict.

Your Body Notices Discomfort Before Your Mind Does

A major part of self-awareness is recognizing how your body reacts to stress or surprise. Managers often move quickly and ignore early signals: tightened shoulders, faster breathing, a shift in tone, or a sudden spike in irritation.

Helen highlights that these reactions usually appear before you consciously understand what you’re feeling. They are clues and signals connected to past experiences, not just the current moment. If you don’t notice them, you may react in ways that feel automatic: sending a sharp message, shutting down a conversation, or making a rushed decision.

Leaders who tune into these subtle cues gain the ability to pause before reacting. That small pause creates space for intention rather than impulse. It helps you choose the response that reflects the leader you want to be.

Why Your Brain Sometimes Hijacks Your Leadership

Even in professional settings, emotional responses happen faster than logical thinking. Helen explains that under pressure, the rational part of the brain can momentarily shut down while the emotional system takes over. This “emotional hijack” can lead to defensiveness, urgency, frustration, or withdrawal before you’ve had time to think.

This doesn’t make you a bad manager; it makes you human. The key is noticing when it’s happening. When you understand your triggers and the patterns behind your reactions, you regain control more quickly. You communicate with clarity rather than tension, and you create space for more productive conversations.

Self-awareness isn’t about eliminating emotion; it’s about recognizing what’s yours so you don’t pass it onto your team.

Small Moments Reveal the Most About You

While it’s tempting to think of self-awareness as something built during big life events or major insights, Helen reminds us that it actually grows in ordinary, everyday moments. You notice how you feel at the end of a back-to-back meeting day. You observe when you get impatient. You catch yourself interpreting someone’s behavior through your own assumptions. You reflect on why certain interactions feel draining while others feel energizing.

These small moments of noticing add up. They reveal patterns, values, stress points, and needs. Over time, they help managers align their behavior with their intentions, creating leadership that feels more grounded and authentic.

The Ripple Effect of a Self-Aware Manager

Managers who develop strong self-awareness tend to create healthier, more trusting environments. They communicate more clearly because they understand their internal state. They handle conflict with more steadiness because they can separate the immediate situation from old emotional triggers. They create space for others’ experiences because they understand their own.

Most importantly, Helen underscores, self-aware managers model the kind of behavior that encourages openness, empathy, and growth. When a leader acknowledges their own patterns, it becomes easier for team members to do the same. Psychological safety grows, and relationships become more resilient.

Self-awareness doesn’t guarantee perfection; it simply ensures intention. And intention is what makes leadership feel human, not mechanical.

Leadership Begins With Understanding Yourself

The work of leadership is relational, which means it starts from the inside out. Managers who invest in understanding themselves aren’t just improving their own experience; they’re shaping the experience of everyone around them. They lead with clarity instead of assumption, with steadiness instead of reactivity, and with curiosity instead of judgment.

Self-awareness isn’t a milestone you reach. It’s a practice you return to. Every day offers a new moment to notice more, understand more, and lead with greater intention. And for managers committed to long-term growth, this practice isn’t optional. It’s transformational.

Listen to the entire episode HERE to learn more about the power of self-awareness.

Keep Up With Dr. Helen Fagan

- Connect with Helen on LinkedIn here

- Visit her website here

- Listen to the Because People Matter podcast here

- Check out her new book, Lead Like People Matter

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