How Managers Can Reclaim Their Power and Lead with Confidence
- Mamie Kanfer Stewart
- Jul 1
- 4 min read
Being a manager today is no small feat. You’re expected to juggle the needs of your team, align with your boss, keep projects moving, and maintain your own sense of purpose and calm. With so many demands coming at you from all directions, it’s no wonder that stress, self-doubt, and burnout are so common.
But what if the answer to feeling more in control and less overwhelmed isn’t about doing more but about being more in your power?
Dr. Sharon Melnick, executive coach and author of In Your Power: React Less, Regain Control, Raise Others, offers a new way to think about leadership. She shares how to shift from reactivity to resilience and reclaim your internal power no matter the chaos around you.
What Is Power, Really?
When we hear the word "power," many of us think of dominance, control, or ego. But Sharon encourages us to think differently. She defines being "in your power" as having agency, sovereignty, and efficacy—in other words, knowing you have choices, being internally grounded regardless of external circumstances, and believing your actions can make a difference. Power, she says, isn’t about control over others but about leading with clarity and calm from within.
Are You Reacting or Leading with Confidence?
One of the most useful metaphors Sharon offers is the difference between a thermometer and a thermostat. A thermometer simply reflects the environment—if your team is stressed or frustrated, you absorb that energy and reflect it back. A thermostat, on the other hand, sets the tone. It creates the environment rather than reacting to it.
In challenging situations, many managers default to thermometer mode, reacting emotionally to whatever is happening. But when you step into thermostat mode, you reclaim your ability to lead with presence and purpose. That simple shift changes everything.
Regaining Your Power in Real Time
Of course, it’s one thing to talk about staying calm and centered and another thing to actually do it in a tough moment. Sharon recommends a simple practice to help: ask yourself two questions. First, “What is the outcome I want in this situation?” Then, “Who do I need to be to help move us in that direction?”
This mindset shift, what she calls identifying your "horizon point," helps you reconnect with your purpose and choose your response. Instead of reacting from fear, frustration, or self-doubt, you can act with intention, even in the heat of the moment.
Sometimes, our bodies need as much support as our minds. That’s where the Cooling Breath comes in. This breathing technique is simple but powerful. You gently open your mouth and inhale as if sipping through a straw, then exhale slowly through your nose. This calms your nervous system and, surprisingly, often helps to settle others in the room too.
Let Go of Needing Validation
Another trap many managers fall into is relying on external validation. Whether it’s approval from a boss, praise from a team member, or a compliment from a peer, depending on others for your sense of worth makes you vulnerable to insecurity and burnout.
Sharon encourages managers to build an internal sense of value. Instead of waiting for others to tell you that you’re doing well, focus on the impact you’re making and the alignment between your actions and your values. Confidence sourced from within is more stable and sustainable than anything that comes from outside.
Start Playing Your Big Game
When you stop trying to control how others perceive you and start focusing on what matters most, you begin to play your "big game." That means making bold, aligned choices that move your team and your work forward. This could be speaking up to share more of your thoughts or making decisions that might be unpopular but are the right thing to do. It means seeing your leadership not just as a series of tasks, but as a meaningful contribution.
This is where real confidence grows. You’re no longer micromanaging perceptions. You’re showing up fully, leading with vision, and creating momentum that inspires others to do the same.
Burnout Isn’t About Too Much Work
One of the most eye-opening insights from Sharon is this: burnout doesn’t come from having too much to do. It comes from having too little power.
When you feel like you don’t have influence over your day, your team, or your priorities, that’s when exhaustion creeps in. That’s why reclaiming your power isn’t just a nice-to-have. It’s essential for your well-being and your effectiveness as a leader.
Lead with Calm Confidence
Power is not about titles or authority. It’s about knowing who you are and choosing how to show up every single day. As a manager, you have more influence than you realize. By learning to stay grounded, centered, and outcome-focused, you can lead with confidence and become a more effective and inspiring leader.
And the ripple effect? A stronger team. Better decisions. More impact.
Because when you're in your power, you raise everyone around you.
Listen to the entire episode HERE to learn more about how to live into your power.
Keep up with Dr. Sharon Melnick
GIVEAWAY: A Signed Copy of In Your Power
Sharon is giving away a signed copy of her book In Your Power: React Less, Regain Control, Raise Others to one member of Podcast+
Whether dealing with an underperforming team member, an undervaluing boss, an undermining colleague, a difficult family member or partner, or the overwhelm of too much to do, we can find ourselves feeling “out of our power.” This book guides you through twelve Power Portals, giving you a new approach to stop reacting to others’ limitations and instead raise yourself and others to be limitless.
To get this bonus and many other member benefits, become a member of The Modern Manager Podcast+ Community.
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