How Managers Can Use Feelings as a Leadership Advantage

For many managers, emotions at work can feel like a liability.

We’re taught explicitly or implicitly that good leadership means staying calm, rational, and in control. Emotions are something to regulate, suppress, or keep neatly contained so they don’t interfere with productivity or decision-making.

But what if that assumption is wrong? Jordanna Eyre, founder of Spiral Growth Systems, explores a different perspective: emotions aren’t obstacles to effective management; they’re a powerful source of information, energy, and leadership presence when handled skillfully.

In my interview with Jordanna, she shared practical insights for managers who want to lead with clarity, steadiness, and humanity.

Emotions Are Energy, Not Problems

One of the most important mindset shifts Jordanna offers is this: emotions are not inherently disruptive or dangerous. At their core, they are simply energy moving through the body.

Problems arise not from emotions themselves, but from the stories we attach to them.

When frustration, anger, fear, or sadness shows up, the mind often jumps in with interpretations:

• “This shouldn’t be happening.”

• “I need to shut this down.”

• “If I feel this, I’ll lose control or hurt someone.”

  
  

Those thoughts are what drive reactive behavior like snapping at a colleague, withdrawing from a conversation, or rushing to “fix” something before we’ve actually understood it. When managers learn to separate the sensation of an emotion from the story about it, they gain a powerful new option: they can feel what’s present without being hijacked by it.

Subtle Emotions Matter as Much as Big Emotions

Not all emotions arrive with the same intensity. Some show up as big, unmistakable waves: rage, panic, grief, excitement. Others are far subtler: a quiet sense of unease, a low-level irritation, or a faint lack of motivation.

Both matter. Many leaders focus only on the big emotions because they’re harder to ignore. But subtle emotions often signal issues earlier, before they escalate into burnout, conflict, or disengagement.

Jordanna says that effective managers develop the capacity to notice and tolerate the full spectrum of emotional experience. This doesn’t mean acting on every feeling or broadcasting them to the team. It means recognizing what’s happening internally so it can move through cleanly rather than leaking out sideways.

Regulate Feelings, Don’t Suppress Them

In management and leadership training, “emotional regulation” is often held up as the gold standard. The intention is good: don’t take your emotions out on other people.

But Jordanna notes that regulation can easily slide into suppression.

When emotions are pushed down rather than felt, the energy doesn’t disappear; it gets stored. Over time, that stored energy can surface as:

• Chronic stress or burnout

• Physical tension or illness

• Sudden emotional blowups that feel out of proportion

• A sense of emotional numbness or disengagement

  
  

Jordanna argues that the goal isn’t to dampen emotions, but to process them.

That starts with paying attention to the physical sensations that accompany feelings. Frustration might feel like tightness in the chest. Anxiety might show up as buzzing energy. Anger might feel like heat or pressure. Staying present with those sensations without trying to analyze or justify them allows the emotion to complete its natural cycle.

Emotions and Thoughts Work Together

A common belief is that our thoughts create our feelings. While there’s some truth there, Jordanna offers a more nuanced view. Emotions will arise whether we think about them or not. What thoughts often do is escalate behavior, not the emotion itself.

For example, a manager feels irritated during a meeting. The irritation alone isn’t the problem. But thoughts like:

• “This team never listens.”

• “I’m losing credibility.”

• “If I don’t shut this down now, everything will fall apart.”

  
  

…can quickly lead to defensiveness, micromanagement, or harsh communication.

By contrast, when managers focus first on feeling the emotion in the body without immediately attaching meaning, they create space for more intentional responses.

For example, imagine you’re in a meeting, and a team member pushes back hard on a decision you’ve already explained. You feel your body tense. Your jaw tightens. Your pulse quickens. In that moment, effective emotional leadership doesn’t mean pretending you’re fine.

It means silently acknowledging what’s happening:

• I’m feeling anger.

• There’s pressure in my chest.

• I want to jump in and shut this down.

  
  

By staying with those sensations just for a few breaths, you interrupt the automatic loop between feeling and reaction. From there, you can choose a response that serves the conversation instead of escalating it.

Jordanna highlights that often, the emotion passes quickly once it’s allowed to be felt.

Other People’s Emotions Are Messengers, Not Attacks

One of the most liberating ideas from the conversation is this: when someone else triggers a strong emotional reaction in you, they’re often acting as a messenger, not the root cause.

That doesn’t mean their behavior is irrelevant or acceptable. It means the intensity of your reaction is usually connected to something older like past experiences, long-held fears, or deeply ingrained beliefs.

When managers recognize this, they’re less likely to personalize situations or respond defensively. They can address the actual issue at hand without layering on unnecessary emotional charge.

Supporting Team Members with Big Emotions

What about the team member who is the emotional wild card, the one who explodes in meetings, shuts down under pressure, or swings between extremes?

Jordanna emphasizes that supporting others starts with self-capacity. Leaders can only hold space for emotions they’re willing to feel themselves.

Practically, this means:

• Communicating safety (“You’re not in trouble. I can handle this.”)

• Allowing emotions to be expressed without rushing to fix or minimize them

• Avoiding gaslighting by dismissing or reframing feelings too quickly

  
  

In some cases, Jordanna says the most supportive move is to help them connect with external resources, coaching, therapy, or structured support while clearly communicating that the referral is about growth, not punishment.

Beneath difficult behaviors, there’s often unexpressed wisdom or unmet needs. When managers look beyond surface reactions, they can help team members channel emotional energy into contribution rather than conflict.

From Control to Capacity

The managers who make the biggest impact aren’t the ones who never feel strong emotions. They’re the ones who’ve built the capacity to feel deeply without losing their footing.

Emotions don’t have to derail performance. When understood and integrated, they become one of the most powerful tools a leader has. And in today’s complex, human-centered workplaces, that may be the advantage that matters most.

Listen to the entire episode HERE to learn more about engaging with emotions productively in the workplace.

Keep up with Jordana Eyre

- Connect with Jordana on LinkedIn here 

- Explore the website here

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